Hotel Aficionados Gifts

Live Elevator Music 3-7:30.

Mini Bar and Mini Alcoholic Recovery Centre.

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

'I'll take the room for Winter: Please put a 'Do Not Disturb Until Spring' sign on the door...'

Excess Baggage: Check the prices of the items in the hotel mini-bars before treating yourself to a feast.

"We have all the brochures, but we can't decide if we want to die on Mt. Everest or Mt. McKinley."

'Now here's a place I like!'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'we must be near the water because I see a sea gull.'

Why Cows Leave Home

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

'Must be the lesser known Easter Egg Island.'

"I said isn't it great to get away from it all."

A traveler comments on the red in the sunset. A wine drinker misunderstands, thinking the traveler is referring to the red wine.

'Oh boy, meals on wheels.'

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

The Airport.

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

'Oh - go get yourself a porsche.'

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"Enjoy your stay at the Bat Hotel. Breakfast is at 7 a.m. The guano bucket is down the hall and to the left."

"We finally made it - Switzerland!"

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

'The marvelous thing about a Singles cruise is, if you don't find an interesting man, you can drown your sorrows with interesting food.'

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

'This scent goes well with a diamond necklace.'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"Mine's camper."

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

'Business or pleasure?'