Hot Spot Humorist Gifts

Emergency Hipster Beard

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"Because you're a mechanic, we're going to do your hydrotherapy in a car pool."

Book: 'From prey to predator in 30 days.'

"Geez, Gary. How long you been workin' in that garden?"

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

Portrait sweating above a fireplace

Gangsta wrap.

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"There's a programme about people watching TV on the other channel."

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Hipster Police Department

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

'Good news is that after two weeks buried in this desert, nobody will call us 'Paleface' anymore!'

"Tony and Stephanie are from Iowa."

"They should've called me for the sketch instead. She's not even funny. What a complete bomb-ala."

Hot dog warmer

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

"A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of hipsterism."

'You're being ridiculous, Bob - I have NOT been ogling the 12 point buck!'

Smiley

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

'My guess is, you might be running the jets too high...'

"Look! He's found my scent!"