Hosting First Party Gifts

Delicate Hopsitality Abused.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Wine Lady

Join me in a Martini?

Party time.

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Cut out and keep your own DJ.

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Four olives and a toothpick on Newton's Cradle.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

How to make an unforgettable dinner for four

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Barbecue

Join me for dinner?

"If you dress in a costume that they can't figure out, they feel guilty and give you more candy."

Mini Bar

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

"If they don't show up soon I'll have to admit I forgot to invite them."

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

'Sorry there's no food. We were kind of hoping you'd bring some.'

'Hey hon, everyone and their dog is here!'

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."

"Don't mention Pat Buchanan, pro or con."

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

"'Host' and Cheese?"

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"You know, we've given this same bottle back and forth to each other for so long that it's probably pretty good by now."

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

'The three essentials for any wine are terroir, the producer and how envious it makes your guests.'

'He's been shot!'