Hospitality Maven Pillows

"It's called a tip, not a bribe."

Maid

'I sent out for everything.'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Cardiac Recovery.

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Courtyard of the Hotel de France, Montreuil.

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

Non-Drip ?

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'Couldn't you think of anything to say to Herb and Mary? They were nice enough to invite us over.'

"Valet park only"

Excuse me.. Are you Dog Friendly?

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

Opening the Barrel

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

'Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know the drill.'

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

With Compliments

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

Complementary Beverages

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"It's nice, but does it have a batcave?"