Hospital Wit Gifts

'This operation should remove the swelling in your wallet - I mean, knee.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

What's the benchmark for waiting times in hospital?

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Backfire

Snowprov

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Providing Healthcare For All

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Doggone

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Czarcasm

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'What's holding him up?'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother