Hospital Wit Pillows

'This operation should remove the swelling in your wallet - I mean, knee.'

'I have some bad news. Your health plan doesn't cover bandages.'

What's the benchmark for waiting times in hospital?

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Snowprov

Backfire

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

Providing Healthcare For All

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Czarcasm

Doggone

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

'What's holding him up?'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother