Hospital Life Navigator T-Shirts

"The kidney stone we removed was so big we have to classify it as a kidney boulder."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

Better times ahead.

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'Long shift?'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

Hospital Departments

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Midlife: You Are Here.

Wiseguys/Smartasses/Eggheads/Smarty Pants

Doubt or Certainy

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

"I'm writing to mother to let her know how you're doing.Is deathbed one word or two?"

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

Woman and scales.

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

'Now watch carefully. You can learn from my mistakes.'

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

'There's been a little mixup, Mr. Root. The computer has the virus not you.'

Covid-19 vaccine - locally-sourced $50 /shot

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'