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"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

Hospital bed shortages

'This the Assistant to the deputy parliamentary undersecretary for health...he'll be responsible for your accessing a positive care outcome.'

'And what can I do for you..?'

Not to worry...by the most remarkable of coincidences a new polyclinic has been opened just 12 miles away...

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Hospital Departments

'Face it, you'd be lost without me!'

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"To cross street, push button, wait for walk signal, wait, wait some more."

"Oh shut up."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

Woman and scales.

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

Pick a direction.

NATO in Europe

GPs to be required to offer appointments in advance.

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

'Oh no, not you again,'

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"