Hospital Hall Navigator T-Shirts

Injured man sees that he is being taken to the 'No Biggie Room', as opposed to the 'Emergency Room.

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Hospital Departments

"But I wasn't running in the hall."

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Which arrow points to my office?'

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"To cross street, push button, wait for walk signal, wait, wait some more."

"I would not recommend you bypass heart surgery."

'There's been a little mixup, Mr. Root. The computer has the virus not you.'

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

"I'm sending you to someone who's less squeamish."

"I don't care what it says on the 'chocoholics' website I'm not able to prescribe chocolate mini eggs on the NHS."

'Let's order one more MRI, just to play it safe.'

Medical floor directory follows body parts.

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'You must be one of Billy Covey's teachers.'

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'Oh no, not you again,'

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"