Hospital Hotshot Gifts

"What kind of second opinion is that? It's exactly the same as the first!"

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Dancing Doctor

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'What's holding him up?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

Doctor receiving advice from patient's mother

'The doctor will be with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

"It appears your anus transplant has rejected you..."

Medical Examinations.

"Which one goes down his bronchial tract and which one goes up his arse?"

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

'Very funny!'

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

"You call all this a side effect?"

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

Surgery has sign on wall saying 'To Err is Human.'

'Two Aspirins'...'Brain Tumor'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'We're trying to use a team approach to medicine, but we're having trouble fitting everyone!'

'I would have come to you sooner, but you hadn't graduated from medical school yet.'

'It's the only way he'll take his medicine.'

Doctor who is a clown holding a syringe.