Hospital Financial Officer Gifts

'They're hemorrhaging cash. . .get some contracts for transfusion . . . Now!'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Gentlemen, we need a slogan!'

'I want to claim for black marker pens.'

Virtual Doctor

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

"Yeah, I know. bu tthe administration didn't want to appear culturally insensitive."

'Ladies and gents, the executive-worker pay ratio is not what it used to be!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

London GPs could become an endangered species.

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

'Long shift?'

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

Medical Equipment profit chart.

'Risky, but I like it!'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"

There's Nothing Worse Than A Staff Infection

Doctors Discussion

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

'Yeah, I slipped on a banana skin too...'