Hospital Escapist Gifts

'Tell me if this hurts.'

"Move over! - I just got the bill!"

"You're a very lucky man, Mr. David. Your insurance covers it."

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

"Will you be flying through to Toledo, or attempting to leave mid-air?"

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

Man trapped in bubble from bubble bath.

Hotel mini-bar.

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'What a day! My secretary was out, our biggest customer canceled a large order, the computer broke down, I didn't have any lunch, and leaving work I got stuck for an hour in the elevator with an 18 year old nympho with big breasts!'

'I wish you had chosen a more pertinent educational issue than 'Do Dogs Actually Eat Homework?''

"The good news is the frustration of filling out all this paperwork will keep your mind off your pain."

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

Security at the Smaller Airports

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

'If you wish to be put on hold, press one...'

'Can't read this one either. Think anyone would mind if I just rolled around in them?'

"Please hold...for music while you wait..."

"Meet my cats - Step Over Me, Dust Around Me, and Sit Somewhere Else."

"Someone wants to talk to you about your jeep's extended warranty."

Bleh! That dreaded time of year had come around again. Everyone says it's torture. Prepare for the Apocalypse. Ok, class. Together we will all somehow survive

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

Message in a bottle.

"You have to ask yourself, is it even worth finding the cheese anymore!"

'I brought this in so we can cut down the insurance company's phone tree.'

I'm earlier than usual this evening due to an elevated level of chatter at home.

"You know, on second thought maybe I'll take the stairs."

'I've got to go, Alice, you know how the boss frowns on personal calls.'

'Only six more floors to my cubicle.'

"Your essay on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your sister's"

Virtual Reality Check

"I have no problem with reality. It's just the occasional intrusion of gritty realism that I hate."

'A lovely area, but not enough waiters!'

Sometimes you wanna go where nobody knows your name