Hospital Clown Gifts

'Let me guess...it's contagious!'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'Very funny!'

C'mon, Randall, cheer up....everybody dies.

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

An organ flies across the room during an operation - 'Catch it...!'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

'Now there's a vet that needs a holiday,'

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'Did you remove my appendix? Yes, both of them.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'Well I haven't had a chance to review all your readings in depth, but if I were to be forced to make an educated guess I'd say that your were knackered!'

'Everything is going to be fine, Mrs.Witzer...'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'