Hospital Bill Navigator Gifts

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Hospital Departments

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

"We found a problem with your bill. It's too low. But I'm confident we can get it into the unaffordabe range soon."

'You're allergic to feathers.'

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

Man about to pay his hospital bill notices a team of doctors and nurses waiting to resuscitate him.

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

"Oh, the doctor does keep up. He gets accounting magazines on the latest billing methods."

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

'Oh no, not you again,'

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

GPs to be required to offer appointments in advance.

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"

Cut rate clinic: 'Attention! All medical personnel must wash their hands 2/ soP & WATER AFTER EVERY 10TH patient'

'Try to hold on as long as you can, sir -- we'll start operating as soon as your check clears.'

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

Doctor's Office. I don't know which I hate more to hear him say --- "Learn to live with it" or "Learn to live without it."

"NOTHING has changed from your last visit here? What do you people do?"