Hospital Bill Navigator Prints

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

'The good news is that it's not your fault.'

Hospital Departments

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

'You're allergic to feathers.'

"Cardiac day patients?"

Medicare: More is Better!

'I'm sorry, but I can't tell you which room the star basketball player is recovering in.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I am just going outside to find an NHS dentist and may be some time."

Doctor sits near work boxes labelled; 'NHS' and 'Private'.

"I just hope that when your mother is as old as I am you'll be able to help figure out Medicare Part D."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"Recovery involves elements of faith. So let's pray my billing service, this hospital and your insurance provider all work smoothly together."

"I don't see the doctor anymore because I'd have to hire some kid to set up the patient portal."

'He can't refer you to me... I referred you to him.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

Man about to pay his hospital bill notices a team of doctors and nurses waiting to resuscitate him.

'His insurance company said it does not cover self-inflicted accidents.'

'You need the wisdom of the ages to understand Medicare Part D.'

"Oh, the doctor does keep up. He gets accounting magazines on the latest billing methods."

"You know you're getting old when you can find your way around all the local hospitals blindfolded."

"Actually, what doesn't kill you just raises the cost of everyone's insurance"

GPs to be required to offer appointments in advance.

'Oh no, not you again,'

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"Don't you have any regular doctors?"

Cut rate clinic: 'Attention! All medical personnel must wash their hands 2/ soP & WATER AFTER EVERY 10TH patient'

'Try to hold on as long as you can, sir -- we'll start operating as soon as your check clears.'

"NOTHING has changed from your last visit here? What do you people do?"

'My husband was recently admitted. Can you direct me to the hypochondria department?'

Unsuitable hospital reading material.