Horticultural Humorists Pillows

'She's stopped talking to me....She just yells that I have to grow...'

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'Yes, all at once!'

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

The First Fire Stick

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Alien embryo growing in earth.

Emergency Hipster Beard

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"She's a miniature."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

Giant Monster in Bath

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'