Horse Racing Season Gifts

'Frankly, medals are more trouble than they're worth. They bonk me in the head whenever I trot.'

Unlucky Stallion Again Loses by a Nose

"...and those are cheese and cucumber..."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

A day at the races

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

A day at the transgenic races

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

Vendor selling testosterone.

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

American Football.

The Epsom Derby - Omnibus in Motion

Gentlemen Riders

First past the post.

Disraeli's Reform Bill Passes the Committee Stage

"We would have won if it hadn't been for the other team."

Football.

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

'Peanuts, popcorn, steroids!'

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

Horse five to win, unless they change the jockey.

'I can't stand to see an animal in pain....'

"Did you see neighhhhhh...bours last night?"

'Well, I can't find anything in the rule book about it.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'