Horror Humor Lover Pillows

"Just as I expected, Mrs Frimley. You've got vampires."

"Okay, who wants a wrap, who gets a steak and who's the fish?"

A vein of vampires

"Hey Joe, can you give me a hand?!"

A boast of ghosts

'You're new here, Scrivens, so I'll let it slide, but when someone screams for ice cream, we all scream for ice cream.'

'Brains...brains...brains.'

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

Count Dracula on Meds

"Let me guess...the usual?"

Larry's used art

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Grace For Flies

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Why do they do that?"

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

New and improved! BunkerBuster! Get out of the sand trap every single time - or your money back!!

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

Fly Football

"States of tofu"