Halloween Humor Lover Pillows

'It's her own fault, she was texting at the time.'

"Don't go to my teacher's house. All she ever gives out is homework."

'Where were you on the night of October 31st?'

'Enough with the eye of newt. Do you know how many calories there are in newt eyes?'

'Who ordered the steak with garlic sauce...?'

'Honestly, dear, brains again?'

'Attempted self-portrait of a vampire.'

"How did I become someone who has a screaming fit about a stupid gift bag filled with little plastic things?"

Pumpkin

"Looks like you were right about her being pushy. Look at her broom."

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

"So, turn me into a frog would you."

'I told you that 2 month old balonie was cursed!'

'Trick or treat?'

'Trans fat will do that.'

'Burl! Why did you put the spider web on our door?!. . . Now the trick-or-treaters can't get their candy!'

Witch has Exorcise Video.

'You're very clean-shaven for someone who can't use a mirror.'

"Your veins are too narrow. Let me get our in-house specialist to help."

"Don't worry, the spices are organic."

Eye of Newt Helper

Larry's used art

Grace For Flies

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

"Why do they do that?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"