Horror Comedy Lovers Gifts

Professor Van Helsing's long and successful career as a vampire hunter, came to a sudden end due to woodworm.

'Don't you love fast food'

Mayhem, Inc. Part 2

'I'm sorry to wake you in the middle of the day, but we've been attacked by vampire hunters... stupid ones.'

'Who ordered the braaains?'

'Man, can't find the keys again! Now do you think these things would come with a light? No, that would make too much sense!'

"Ugh. . . Where is the light switch?"

Children's Parties

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

Life is for the birds.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

Cow Pinatas

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Einstein's T-Shirt reads: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me.

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

True confessions.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Lesser known greek gods,

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."