Horoscope Buff Gifts

'It has my horoscope, my heart rate, and my cholesterol level.. but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

"Ancient Aztec shaman-kings predicted a coming together of all the cultures of the world, creating a new enlightenment for human beings."

Nostradamus.

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

doom.com

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

'Hmphh, your horoscope says you're going to have a date, with a Taurus, and I'm a Gemini.'

"Who's there?"

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

That foggy, closed-in feeling will dissipate soon, giving you a clear view of what is ahead.

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

'I'm a Pisces.'

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

'I don't believe in astrology. I think that's because I'm a Leo.'

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'