Horoscope Buff Gifts

'It has my horoscope, my heart rate, and my cholesterol level.. but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'My horoscope said I was going to make someone happy today.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'No wonder I'm exhausted. Look at my horoscope.'

Nostradamus.

"My real money comes from my TV news appearances predicting stock market rises and falls."

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

You will awake to discover a dream come true.

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

"Who's there?"

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

'Hmphh, your horoscope says you're going to have a date, with a Taurus, and I'm a Gemini.'

doom.com

Horoscope - Look out for Large Windfall (Man crushed by giant apple).

That foggy, closed-in feeling will dissipate soon, giving you a clear view of what is ahead.

'Your North Pole is wobbling - you should see a spin doctor.'

'Ha ha! You've been afraid of someone else's future!'

'I'm a Pisces.'

". . . and in the corner to my right, weighing 217 pounds, fighting as a Capricorn with Capricorn rising and Mars conjunct Uranus in the fifth, out of Beaufort, South Carolinaaa. . ."

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

"For what it's worth, next week all your stars and planets will be in good aspect for you to launch an invasion of England."

'According to my horoscope one of us is going on a long journey.'

'I don't believe in astrology. I think that's because I'm a Leo.'

You are no longer in jeopardy.

'With all due respect for your horoscope, your loan payment is still due today.'