Hormone Therapy Humorist Gifts

"What makes you think you got your medication mixed up with your wife's?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Lactose Intolerant

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Providing Healthcare For All

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I keep on getting these feelings of love, peace and empathy..."

'What you seem to be suffering from is longevity.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"Gesundheit!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

'It may be more inconvenient, but the 'Reverse Prostate Exam' is a lot less embarrassing for the both of us.'