Hopeful Homeowner Gifts

'Your dream of a house with a white picket fence is still feasible, at least for the picket fence.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

"There, all neat and tidy!"

A DIY disaster.

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

Beginning Yarder.

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

The Day Dreamer.

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

'We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate.'

"When you get a minute, I have some kitchen shelves you can put up."

Drought's Over

Human males marking territory.

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

'Alright Harold... now stop feigning death and go mow the loan!'

Affordable housing - Mum and Dads.

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

"I asked you to hang a picture, how much more difficult can you make it?"

Shelf on an elf

Mortgage up: 'Where?.'