Aspiring Homeowner Gifts

Barbie's Affordable House

'I hope to raise enough money to buy my own house and move out at sixteen!'

'We'll never own our own cardboard box.'

"This has always been Kathy's and my dream --- to live in a contemporary house, surrounded by our contemporaries."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

I don't have a mortgage, but I have a variable rate-rate income.

"Can you show us something that will make our friends envious, but not too envious?"

"To be honest, we were thinking of something like a Cape Cod."

The Property Ladder

The Day Dreamer.

'We're looking for somewhere with some character and class... somewhere like Barnsley.'

"But it is four rooms. The closets count as rooms."

"Me and Brian are waiting to buy our own house."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

A DIY disaster.

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

Open House of Horrors

Beginning Yarder.

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

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"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

Child doing the washing up

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"