Becoming Homeowners Gifts

'I think we should make an offer on this house, what do you think?'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

Tool Box

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

A DIY disaster.

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Fuel bill gone through the roof

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

Beginning Yarder.

Yard Sale

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

George is pleased with himself. He replaced the toilet seat without calling a plumber.

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

The Day Dreamer.

Do you like to talk about Real Estate? Like to meet other men and women who do? Dial the... REAL-ESTATE HOTLINE

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."