Homerun Hero T-Shirts

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"She's been so creative lately."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

Pajama Day 743

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

I love embroidery

"Sorry, my report is blank. I just stayed home, watched tv and played video games during vacation."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Planting veggies

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

Smile

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

Like father like son.

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

Inactive wear store.

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"My name is Leonard, and I'll be your auto mechanic for today."

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

Max P. and The Whole Ball Of Wax

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

"Baldo, do you have a summer reading list?"

Football.

"Let's go on vacation, get disappointed, complain about prices, read terrible novels, buy trashy souvenirs, miss the dog and look forward to coming home."