Homerun Hero Pillows

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"She's been so creative lately."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

Pajama Day 743

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Our farmer brought fresh beans, tomatoes, corn and squash this week. Nice. You should have bought into the farm share. I've got my own farmer. Mine's cheap. Mine's cheaper. Thanks, mom. You can't take more zucchini?

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

"Sorry, my report is blank. I just stayed home, watched tv and played video games during vacation."

I love embroidery

"Hello? Guys? Okay, I've had a long day and I'm very tired, so no pranks this time. I'm serious... guys?!"

'Fixed the leg on the telly yet?'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

Planting veggies

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

Smile

Like father like son.

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

',,,and they all lived happily ever after, Now close your eyes and go to sleep'

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"This is nice. You have your knitting and I have my vodka."

"Sorry I'm late, boss...I forgot about today's video meeting!"

Football.

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

We never roam anymore.

Max P. and The Whole Ball Of Wax

"Baldo, do you have a summer reading list?"

Inactive wear store.

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

"Let's go on vacation, get disappointed, complain about prices, read terrible novels, buy trashy souvenirs, miss the dog and look forward to coming home."