Hammer Hero Pillows

How I learned to stop worrying and start hammering

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

Like father like son.

Woodwork

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

Girl Band, "I wish you'd tell your mum we don't need her in the group!"

A Bloody Butcher

"OK, ready to go again?"

"Oh, go on Jeffrey. . . Give him an order!"

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

Smile

"Ever since the elevator broke down, we've learned that our staff is in desperate need of a fitness program. Especially, since we're only one floor up."

'Where do you keep the elbow grease?'

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Football.

Skateboard Sidewalk Surfer

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

A muscle pushing a body builders brain out of his skull.

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

"FISH ON"

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

"You spoil that Hamster."

Yeah, that's mine - My mom puts my name inside my helmet in case it comes off.

Office Safety.

'Your Dad'll give your bike back when he realises he won't qualify for 2012.'

Prehistoric bikes and their advanced helmets.

If they don't want to hit it with a hammer like that, why do they call it a "fingernail"?

Carpenter

"We've been hacked by our enemies! Is there anyone who know something about computers?"

"What an amazing view!"