Homeowner With Plumbing Troubles Pillows

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

'I found the termites!'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'My phone's been tapped!'

"I'm afraid your bath is directly connected to the melting polar ice caps."

"We have a termite problem."

'Here's the problem,the pilot light went out.'

Junk Mail Shredder.

'My client is therefore NOT guilty of malpractice. All he is guilty of is an error in judgment. He should have decided to be a plumber."

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

I hate it when they start without us.

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

"Your home is your most valuable asset."

'That's your limescale problem sorted.'

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.

'Ok, who didn't leave a faucet to drip so the pipes wouldn't freeze!'

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit