Underwater Homeowner Pillows

'It's a nice nook alright, but I'm more after something deep and narrow...'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

'I found the termites!'

Fish snorkling above water.

Captain steering house through flood.

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'Actually, a broken arm is not such a big handicap for me...'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Whale Shark Thoughts...

'It's the newest thing out. A big screen fish finder.'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

"You seem to be balancing your workload well."

Beware of the Lawn

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"The pH level seems a little off."

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

"Alright be cool. We're just gonna ask for an autograph and be on our way."

'I think he wants you to play ball!'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

"Don't bother going that way: They've installed shark nets..."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Every year I lay a thousand eggs. Mother's Day rolls around, not a single card."

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

Home 'Submerged' Home! (Home value less than mortgage).

"Decaf for me, Peter."