Bugged Out Homeowner Pillows

'I found the termites!'

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

Beware of the Lawn

Mouse real estate!

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

Zika Epidemic

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

Cordless Drill and Drill Less Cords.

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

"I'm going to put some shelves up, certain scenes may contain strong language."

"We have a termite problem."

Junk Mail Shredder.

'You called a plumber!'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

Fire Alarm

Father-in-law - Break glass in case of emergency

"Your home is your most valuable asset."

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

"Thank goodness I'm only renting."

House with Damp Problem.

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit

"Hello, county? You folks are over doing the mosquito fogging today!"