Quirky Home Owner Pillows

'Good evening sir,I'm doing a survey on home security.'

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Mouse real estate!

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

"Careful in the bathroom—we just had it reimagined."

Junk Mail Shredder.

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

Father-in-law - Break glass in case of emergency

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

"I love being my own boss, but I hate being my own employee."

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit