Quirky Home Owner T-Shirts

'Good evening sir,I'm doing a survey on home security.'

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Mouse real estate!

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"Occasionally he lobs a brick at the cat."

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"Careful in the bathroom—we just had it reimagined."

Junk Mail Shredder.

'Hope I'm not catching you with a bird in the bath, Harold?'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.

'Mr. Jones? I've found a house that fits your funds perfectly! It even has a little garden!'

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

'No windows. You wouldn't want windows in a town like this.'

"I love being my own boss, but I hate being my own employee."

"I figure I could get eighty grand for it now .... if someone wanted a treehouse."

A realtor shows a couple around a crazy golf course

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit