Clumsy Homeowner Pillows

Father-in-law - Break glass in case of emergency

'I found the termites!'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Beware of the Lawn

Mouse real estate!

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

Kid drops his 13 flavor ice cream cone

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

"We have a termite problem."

Junk Mail Shredder.

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

"Your home is your most valuable asset."

'The owners are prepared to accept any reasonable offer.'

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

A women is testing her House to see if it's Pregnant with a 'Home Pregnancy Test' kit

". . . So why, exactly, was the price drastically reduced?"

"No wonder my mouse wasn't working. I've been using the biscuit from dinner."

'Good evening sir,I'm doing a survey on home security.'

'We don't have a dog but we felt a need to offer a warning anyway.'

"What happened to your finger?"

I think I just figured out why this place was available.

"Look, it's not ideal but we both have to live with it."