Homeowner With Plumbing Troubles Mugs

'Hello, is that Dugdame and Son's, the plumber?'

'I found the termites!'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"I guess it's too late to warn you that I turned off the hot water."

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

A sudden draft. The moment he first felt comfortable calling himself a plumber.

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

'My phone's been tapped!'

"I'm afraid your bath is directly connected to the melting polar ice caps."

"We have a termite problem."

'Here's the problem,the pilot light went out.'

'I've been having a lot of out of potty experiences, lately.'

Junk Mail Shredder.

'My client is therefore NOT guilty of malpractice. All he is guilty of is an error in judgment. He should have decided to be a plumber."

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

I hate it when they start without us.

Father-in-law - Break glass in case of emergency

'That's your limescale problem sorted.'

"Your home is your most valuable asset."

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

'Ok, who didn't leave a faucet to drip so the pipes wouldn't freeze!'

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.