Homeopathy Critic Gifts

'And so, Ladies and Germs, I conclude that we must promote homeopathy! This may be our best chance to wipe out the human race since the glory days of the Black Plague.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

Prescription Drugs '96.

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Wards / Mortuary

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

"I don't think this is doing me any good."

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

"It's a new way to stretch leftovers. Saw it in Homeopathy Now."

-"For instance, this gin and tonic does not have a single molecule of gin in it!" -"It's from the staff canteen, right!"

'I'm trying homeopathcy, what are you trying?' 'Acupuncture!'

'I was hoping you could fix it with homeopathy.'

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

It makes me MAD when people think we've nothing better to do than churn out pointless protocols...

Fisherman to friend about to be devoured by shark: 'Bill, are you familiar with the health benefits of shark cartilage?'

Global Medical Antidepressant Sales

"It appears the pain is caused by your acupuncture treatments."

"Doctors said that although the approach is still experimental, it may prove an effective weapon in the fight against health-care reform."

'You're husband's death is an absolute tragedy, it's going to play havoc with my monthly mortality targets.'

'This is probably the first person to have died from a homeopathy overdose... '

"We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of 'physical and artistic' therapies which is why we've developed 'megazylomol' to enhance the experience!"

'I will now demonstrate the laying on of hands - MINE not yours!'

'We're gonna make a fortune using cactus as hair replacement for porcupines.'

Homeopathic trousers.

"I curse the day I ever heard of Ginkgo Biloba."