Homemade Gifts Pillows

"I made you a face warmer."

"It's homemade."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

"That'll be five bucks."

Daughters on the beach

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"I might just get a pie."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"Ticket and passport, please."

'I take back everything I said about this sweater you knitted for me.'

Loopholes

Mouse returns home from work.

'Hang on a minute...'

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

Snake Charming

The Authentic Christmas.

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Who's the new guy?"

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

S. S. All You Can Eat

Ugly genie.

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."