Homemade Gifts Pillows

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

"That'll be five bucks."

Daughters on the beach

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"I might just get a pie."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

Loopholes

Mouse returns home from work.

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"Ticket and passport, please."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'Hang on a minute...'

'I take back everything I said about this sweater you knitted for me.'

The Authentic Christmas.

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

Snake Charming

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"Who's the new guy?"

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

S. S. All You Can Eat

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"The Valentine's Day gift that has it all - a card made from edible flowers dipped in chocolate!"

Chicken Road Crossing

Cannibal recipes.

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"