Homebound Humorist Pillows

"So which of you stays at home looking after the kids all day?"

"I'm staying healthy during lock-down by increasing my consumption of kale. . .the 'K' is silent."

"Right now, I'm walking the dog."

Pandemic Pitfall!

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

"I'm not trying to be spider anything, I'm just insanely bored."

"Where do we go on summer vacation this year? Back yard or front yard?"

Working from home

"I'm working from home today."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

What's that? - 'It's a mosquito bite.' - 'Scratch it!' - 'No, I need to buy some cream.' - 'Make it bleed!!!' - 'Gahhh!!!' -

Bob's Driving School.

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"Just the slippers is fine!"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"There goes our early night."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"How long have you been working from home, Mr. Farley?"

"5...4...3...2..."

"Yes, I'm working from home, and my kids are here helping me."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"If you won't let me work from home, then I'll just home from work."