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Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

In the Guru District

The Vineyard

'A cheeky red?'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Pasta

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

"Fruity nose, hints of wild cherry, soothing on the palate, goes well with cough and cold."

Portfolio, 2011

Recycling bottle bank.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'I've written six books on wine; owned my own winery and taught a wine class for two years. My next goal is to taste some.'

Red Wine

The virtual wine tasting was a big success

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

You are simply the Greatest

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

Wino Appreciation Group

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"At last! Something that goes well with us!"