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'Decorating on a shoestring'

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"I didn't spark joy."

"Make yourself comfortable on my new decorative throw rocks."

"You're welcome."

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

"On second thought, mabe it would look better over there."

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

'You do realise that's pot pourii?'

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'Welcome to the house warming! The map points out what is furniture and what is sculpture.'

Posh Easter Egg

"Hedge-fund managers have to have something over their sofas, too."

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

'Ooh, hey...real hardwood floors!'

'Magnolia, Michaelangelo, the ceiling was meant to be magnolia!'

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

King Madras

"Okay, lady, your new carpet is installed...you can let your dog back in now."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Pea green

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"The board is going to have to talk to 5-G again."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

"Dave, we need to talk about office props and work productivity."

Woman in bed with catalogue of worries.

'Yes,I did bag him from a treestand.How did you guess?'

Woman crushed under satin sheets.