Home Style Strategist T-Shirts

'I'm looking for a coffee table to match this book.'

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

"No, we can't get you a new toy every time we go shopping."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Did you get my e-mail about who takes out the trash today?"

"You love anything tacky, don't you?"

"Yes, but I'll know it's a recliner."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"I went with weirdness over quantity this year."

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

Shampoo and Salad Dressing.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

Hats: Management/Good Job/Friendly but Aloof.

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

'I've got it written down...'

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

"I have no idea where we parked the car, or why we exist."

"Eeny, meeny, miney, mo.."

Caveman applying wallpaper cave paintings

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'You'll have more luck getting the sword out of the stone than getting the remote control out of his hand.'

"Why is this cart so heavy?"

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

'But what do you sell?'

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

'Decorating on a shoestring'

'Our definition of a 'bargain' is right there in the small print.'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons than in the dollar...'

'I'm sure I've forgotten something. I got change from a fifty.'

Wallpaper Bouguet