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'I didn't get to do any clothes shopping. It took me forever to pick out our new living room furniture.'

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

Mr. Punch's Fancy Ball

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

'Awright...Who's the dirty, lowdown varmint who's copyin' my plaid-shirt-and-stone-wash-jeans-with-matching-boots-and-vest ensemble?'

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

Pampered and poodled.

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'These fit just right. Do you have anything too tight?'

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

Mister Pretty Shoes

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Sure I'm late. . . I not only have to get ready for school. . . now I have to get ready in case some idiot takes my picture for YouTube.'

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

Goldilocks and the seventeen black shoulder bags

"I don't like your application."

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

"Do you do much walking?"

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

"The suit - it's rejecting your body."

Changing Room Decisions

'I'll take it!'

Elegant woman in backless dress.

A member of a very populous consumer group attempts to go shopping...

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

"It's really quite simple: Shave off the soul patch and the car is yours."

"Of course, lots of women are just going bare-headed."