Home Security Aficionados Gifts

'You're a failure! We're the only house in the street that hasn't been burgled!'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'Best watchdog I ever had!'

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"It says 'beware of robot dog.'"

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'And in local news: Someone is hiding behind the drapes.'

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

Adopt your wireless home security system today!

'Your father installed a security system.'

"Okay, what's your next, more expensive security system?"

'It even has its own built-in home security system!'

"I just installed a home security monitor."

"My dad put in a new security system."

"Let's pick up our cars now, 'kay Puddin'?"

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

'Nice to have a door opener.'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

Safe harbour

'I'm taking a poll. Do you feel safe in your own home?'

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"Am I rusting? I think one of my sections is sinking. Oh, no! I thought I heard the gate squeak."

"Hold on. I'll buzz you in."

'He's always on the heightened alert!'

Beware the Dog

"Honey, your radon testing kit is here."

'He bought programmable thermostats but I had to figure out how to use them.'

'My masters have upgraded the security system: There's a ten-digit passcode on the cat-flap now...'

"It's all set. If your husband tries to get into the fridge after 9pm he'll receive an electrical shock

'It doesn't get nearly enough sun here, but it sure keeps the kids from sliding down the bannister.'

Beware of wireless home security system.