Home Project Undertaker Pillows

"This is the driver, isn't it?"

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

'I don't think he's so smart. I had to show him three times before he got the hank of it.'

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'I planned to go to work, cancel my appointments, kick back and just relax...then I remembered I'm retired.'

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'I think my husband's DIYed and gone to heaven.'

"Shall I kiss it better?"

'Don't say it! You're going to ask me if I notice anything different in here.'

Ceiling Paint

'Yep. I used to use chemical to strip wallpaper, but the cats are more efficient, and there's no nasty smell.'

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"Well, dear, you can quit worrying about our roof!"

'Before you say it's got some old parts, remember that you installed it.'

'Henry, just break down and buy a power drill.'

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

"Norman's building a small Hadron Collider."

'You did that on purpose!'

"On second thought, could you take it out and just teach him how to use the door knob?"

Cordless Drill and Drill Less Cords.

'Another DIY enthusiast methinks...'

Another over-do-it-yourself project.

'Hmm, back to the drawing board.'

Harry believed in having the right tool for the wrong job.

'Oh yes, Leonard's a fixit-it man. Only problem is, who'll fix it after him?'