Home Pioneer Gifts

'One day son, all this will be protesters.'

Captain steering house through flood.

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

"Dad! Dad! It's freezing out here! I wish we had a fireplace to get all cozy and roast marshmallows!"

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

'I'm a do-it-yourselfer, but I've never been a done-it-yourselfer...'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

"And it comes with a coin filter for when you vacuum under the cushions."

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."

"Our smart home sure is sensitive. Every time I hammer a nail in the wall it screams."

'He'll do the dishes now that I've attached an accelerator.'

Implausible Retirement Housing Options

G.P.S. For the Home

'So far we've only managed to grab this one little piece of the web commerce puzzle.'

"Does it have a chapter on using the phone to call someone who can do it right?"

"Whenever I want my mom to play fort, I just turn on news about climate change."

Wagon

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'Our new neighbor an urban farmer.'

Patent Office. It's a global positioning system adapted to find the TV remote!

Man painting the ceiling with the help of an umbrella.

'Give me the saw Stanley, I'm calling a professional.'

"Every appliance, every light, every bit of electronics in the house is controlled by a single remote that I haven't yet been able to find."

Home Ship Home

"I wish I'd been invited to all these parties before I discovered the joys of staying in."

"...You shouldn't by any chance be missing one of your animals?"

The Jukes and the Kallikaks Today

Cactus at Balloon Animal Class

"Ghah! I hung the new mirror upside down!"

"Watch out for the low beams!"

"I'm on the range, but I'm not home on the range."

'I leave in three weeks.'

"Yeah, well, then you should've said merchandise or maybe contents sale, right?"