Home Life Satirist Pillows

'I thought you said, 'What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom'!'

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

Hoodie Hang-out

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"But I use all of them!"

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Snowman Driver

"Thank god we're out of the city."

'Harold, I told you to take out the trash!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

This is where Brent council sends you

"I'm getting awfully tired of raking up you underwear..."

"Dinner will be ready soon, I hear the pizza truck rounding the corner."

"I'm sorry, dear, but you know how I feel about intra-marital sex."

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

Wife is reading a book intitled 'Meals in 5 minutes', husband is reading a book about 'Divorce in 5 days'.

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

'What's the antidote for espresso?'

"Jordan takes his wife's wind chimes – he shoots!"

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

"Dinner's ready!" "I can't hear you!"

'I really hope that Fred makes the most of it until she joins him for the rest of eternity!'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

'This IS our retirement plan.'

"No need to set out traps, I'm leaving. You don't have Wi-Fi in this dump."

"In my day we had trimphones."

"The Bluebird of Happiness is on his way. We're security."