Home Life Humorists Pillows

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"The couch hates me Jane!"

Yard Sale

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"But I use all of them!"

'That's the problem with living with an artist, the fruitbowl is always off...'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"You're good mum. But, Billy's mum is a better cook than you. She only knows how to make chocolate cake."

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"I must come to the supermarket with you sometime dear, they seem to sell everything!"

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'I thought you said, 'What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom'!'

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Carpet Cows

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"I'm getting awfully tired of raking up you underwear..."

His and Hernia's towels.