Home Improvement Project Pillows

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

Let's get organized

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Jack of all trades

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Light Bulb Moment

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"Home depot."

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

Happy Knife, Happy Wife

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"