Home Improvements Pillows

'In retrospect, maybe we should have gone for the smaller fireplace.'

"It's off-white, but a little too off. It may get very tiring. What do you think?"

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

'A screwdriver for my husband? No - for my husband, I'd prefer rat poison.'

'I thought you wanted a clothes dryer.'

How can you be so sure this is Farmer Phillip's Farm?

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

'Oh yes, Leomard's a fixit-it man. Only problem is, who'll fix it after him?'

"Breast implants, filler and botox for your missus doesn't fulfill our home improvements criteria."

"Look at it this way -- in three years your roof could leak."

A real estate agent seeks help.

Keeping Warm During the Energy Crisis

"Moving makes me feel so free and light!"

"Honey? You'd better get home. The toilet's backed up again."

'. . . I just got the bill for the fence. '

'Sorry Darling, I ran out of things to burn.'

'... And all of our products are fully guaranteed, until something goes wrong with them.'

Let's get organized

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Jack of all trades

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Light Bulb Moment

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'