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Headlines at Our House

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

'She'll never look for me here.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"There goes our early night."

"Just the slippers is fine!"

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"5...4...3...2..."

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"I wish you'd get more in touch with your masculine side, Robert"

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

"Jim was a model Dad".

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'